When Management Strategies Create More Damage Than The Behavior
“It doesn’t hurt . . . Except when I write.” This is what a kid told me yesterday as he showed me how he had rubbed most of the skin off his thumb with the side of his pointer finger. His teacher sent him to me because she had noticed he was getting increasingly more intolerant of his classmates who were unable to follow directions and complete tasks. She said he started rubbing his thumb when others were in trouble. Interesting. You guys, when I say his thumb was raw . . . I mean his thumb was RAW. As a second grader, I wasn’t expecting him to articulate that when he gets anxious, he starts rubbing, but what he did say painted me a clear picture of what was happening . . . “I just get so angry because the same two kids always ruin everything.”
As I was saying good night to my 5th grade daughter the other night, she said, “Well . . . we lost 5 minutes of our recess again today because the boys refused to stop talking.” This entire year we have been working on letting our teacher be in charge and letting go of trying to control other people’s choices. 1. Because empathy. 2. Because it’s not a 5th grader’s job to try to lobby for her classmates to follow the rules. And 3. Because it doesn’t work. I am still learning to navigate teacher relationships from the parent seat . . . and over the last 10 years, all I have really learned is to TREAD LIGHTLY with my opinion. So, I have not mentioned to her teacher that I have noticed over the past 8 months that these group punishments have not only been ineffective, they are also creating some real deep resentment between her classmates. I appreciate the countless opportunities she is giving me at home for life lessons, but what might also be helpful is some teacher reflection on why her strategy isn’t working. I know! Good job keeping my mouth shut, right?! And by the way, I have been on the other side, where my kid was the one consistently getting in the way of extra recess or deduction of minutes . . . there are so many variables for these kids, but I can tell you it’s not usually because they want their classmates to dislike them or because they don’t care about recess.
Mass rewards and punishments often fail because they treat a classroom as a single organism rather than a collection of very different human beings. When every student receives the same consequence or the same incentive regardless of their needs, motivations, or circumstances, the approach can unintentionally widen gaps in behavior, relationships, engagement, and emotional safety. This is not a secret, nor is it super deep, but so many teachers forget to factor this into their management strategies: Different kids are motivated by different things! A single reward or punishment will not land the same for the entire class. Here are a couple of good reminders about rewards:
Some students are intrinsically motivated and don’t need external incentives.
Some kids crave connection!
A few may find public rewards embarrassing or anxiety-provoking.
Students with trauma history or neurodivergence may not respond predictably to incentives.
If you are consistently rewarding the same kids over and over, who is getting left out and what can we do to bring them into the game?
Are the kids you are trying to motivate, just getting more frustrated?
When motivation varies this widely, a one-size-fits-all approach can feel arbitrary and unfair.
Mass punishments- whole class loss of privileges, collective consequences, or blanket discipline rules – tend to focus on compliance rather than understanding. Generally speaking, if a teacher candidate used the word “punishment” in an interview, it would be a huge red flag for me. Punishment is the opposite of restoration. It ignores the root cause of the behavior and doesn’t help build skills to meet the desired expectations. Punishing all students for the actions of a few can create resentment and shame and worst of all, it’s probably not actually solving the problem.
Mass systems can also harm your classroom culture. When students feel they are being punished for something they didn’t do or rewarded in ways that aren’t meaningful, trust starts to erode. It’s also a really easy way for students to escape the self-accountability piece by blaming the system instead of reflecting on their own choices.
You may also notice the peer dynamics in your room start to crumble. Instead of building community, the system can actually fracture it. It’s a really unhealthy dynamic for students to be policing and blaming each other. The collective groan and complaints from the rest of the class may feel ignored or dismissed by the kid or kids who pushed the teacher over the edge, but more than likely is just a mask for whatever guilt, shame, humiliation, disappointment, unsafe, or other overwhelming feeling they are having. I think another really unintended consequence is the students starting to either pity the teacher or question the teacher’s competence. My daughter is always torn between feeling sorry for her teacher and wondering why this teacher can’t seem to get it together. Neither is great.
Expecting every kid in your class to be on the same reading level would be crazy. Expecting every kid to have the same skills, discipline, and brain chemistry is also crazy. Would you punish your entire class because you have one or two students that didn’t meet the state proficiency standards? Would you take away their recess because they failed a math test? Of course not! So, why do we still think this will work with behavior?
Individual support and intervention will always be a better strategy. Behavior is how our students communicate with us. Understanding each student’s needs, triggers, and motivators allows for more effective skill building, problem solving strategies, and emotional regulation.
Classrooms thrive when expectations are consistent, but the supports are adaptable. When kids feel seen, valued, and connected, they are much more likely to be honest with you not only about what they need, but what they are struggling with. Kids need to know that there is a solution to everything. They have the power to fix a problem, and you are willing to help them! Private, individual conversations with kids lead to more meaningful relationships and deeper understanding. Choice based incentives and logical consequences will always yield better outcomes, and opportunities for repair and reflection are imperative to the culture and community you are building.
The goal is not to eliminate structure or accountability! It’s to recognize that fair does not always mean equal. A classroom is a diverse ecosystem. When we honor that diversity— rather than flatten it—we create conditions where more students can succeed, feel safe, and grow!