Helping Kids Find Belonging Through Contribution

Last spring, I wrote a piece about how fitting in is actually the opposite of belonging. I wasn’t planning to focus on that again but there’s a question that keeps coming up in nearly every conversation I have with teachers about student concerns. Why isn’t _______ fitting in yet? And while the last article was pretty great, it was very teacher centered. What can we do better? This time I want to focus on the kids. There isn’t a one size fits all answer to that question, but I have noticed one theme that keeps emerging when we dig a little deeper into each of these kids.  

For most kids, school is more than just a place to learn—it’s where they begin to understand who they are in the world. But for some, no matter how great their teacher is, the classroom feels like foreign territory. They walk through the hallways feeling invisible, disconnected, or misunderstood. These kids aren’t just struggling academically or socially; they’re wrestling with a deeper question: Do I matter here?   

The Crisis of Belonging  

Belonging is a fundamental human need, especially during childhood and adolescence. When kids feel excluded or alienated at school, it can lead to anxiety, depression, behavioral issues, and academic disengagement. They may withdraw, act out, or simply stop trying—not because they don’t care, but because they don’t see a place for themselves in the school’s social or cultural fabric. 

But as we know, belonging isn’t about fitting in. It’s about being seen, valued, and needed. One of the first things we, as counselors, look at when we do risk assessments for kids who are having suicidal ideation is thwarted belongingness and perceived burdensome.  Those are just fancy ways of asking, are you lonely and do you feel like a burden? The only antidote to being a burden is contribution. And once kids feel like they are contributing, they definitely feel less alone. I’m certainly not trying to imply that every kid who doesn’t “fit” might also be contemplating suicide. But it makes sense to me that the sooner we can find a way for kids to contribute, the closer they are to fine and the further they are from invisible, disconnected, and misunderstood.  

The Power of Contribution  

One of the most effective ways to help a child feel they belong is to give them a meaningful role. When an adult identifies a student’s strengths—whether it’s artistic talent, empathy, humor, curiosity, or leadership—and connects those strengths to a way they can contribute to the school community, something powerful happens. The student begins to see themselves not as an outsider, but as someone with value. 

Examples include: 

·       A shy student who loves animals might help care for the class pet. 

·       A tech-savvy teen could assist with the school’s AV equipment or help peers with digital projects. 

·       A student who struggles academically but has a knack for organizing could help set up classroom materials or events.  

·       A creative child might design posters for school activities or decorate a bulletin board. 

·       A kid who just needs an extra adult connection might help deliver bus cards or help the secretary check in tardy kids in the morning.  

·       A kid who loves to talk might do the morning announcements. 

These aren’t just tasks—they’re invitations to matter. 

Why Adult Involvement Is Crucial  

Kids rarely volunteer for these roles on their own. They need an adult to notice them, to believe in them, and to offer the opportunity. That act of recognition, “I see you, and I think you’d be great at this” can be life changing. It tells the child: You have something to offer. You belong here. 

Adults also help scaffold the experience. They provide encouragement, guidance, and feedback, helping the child grow in confidence and competence. Over time, these contributions can evolve into leadership or peer mentorship, or maybe even career interests.   

A Culture of Contribution  

When we first started giving kids at my school contribution jobs, the teachers started to notice it was mostly kids they witnessed making poor choices getting assigned jobs. They were confused why these kids were being “rewarded.”  It certainly wasn’t intentional, but the idea of “contribution” can’t be a secret. Everyone must be aware and on board with the purpose for it to truly be effective. We need all the adult eyes in the school looking for kids who are drifting on the edges and asking themselves what small invitation could pull them into the center? The lunch ladies, the security guard, the custodians, all have jobs to offer a kid who needs to feel seen. That kind of culture doesn’t happen by accident—it’s built intentionally by adults who understand that belonging isn’t a luxury or a “reward”; it’s a necessity.  

When kids don’t feel they belong, they don’t just lose interest in school—they lose faith in themselves. But when an adult helps them find a way to contribute, they begin to see school not as a place they endure, but as a place they enrich. And in doing so, they discover something even more important: They matter.